Sometimes, I feel like I always fail to deliver what I promised. 

Do you remember that story you show me? The one about the dying wife and her family. Whenever something about to happen, I remember that story and tell myself, I just need a daily reminder again. I’m getting busy here. Heads fill with noise pollution, ideas throwing around by parents. I have no privacy, I’m always surrounded by people who don’t allow me to cry in public. I adapted and slowly forgot how I felt in Bing right after you left. I forgot all the things that make you so lovely. Your skin, your lips, your eyes. You next to me in bed. You doing make up in the morning. Your walk. Your smile. All I have now is you on a screen here and there once in a while. I have to look through the post it notes you wrote me, and my head once again was clear and I knew what to do. But then this environment just put it all down again. We might seems so far out from each other this summer but for all I know. I will run and give you the biggest hug when I see you again in Bing. I will feel your hand again. I will look at you when you sleep again. I just love to see you again. I just love to see your love, caring, and thoughtful personality again. We’re walking on edges here but I know that we will be fine if we make it through. 

I finally got the chance to collect my thought after a long night. I didn’t want a fight, all I want was talk. I’m sitting here at breakfast, eating a sad bowl and a half of pho, and all I can think of is all those time you drew hearts and letters in my bowl. I’m drinking coffee and all I can think was that 4 venti fraps were just the other day. I can’t go for a second without thinking about you. All I’m trying to say is that I do everything for you. I might take it to the extreme, I might be too much sometimes but I just want the best for you. Your words worry me sometimes and I’m sorry I don’t have a better mean to deliver my caring for you besides sounding like a blunt asshole. Please be well, I don’t want anything to happen to he most important girl ever. I’m sorry I can’t be there and say it in front of you. The best I can do is through this chunk of text. I’m sorry for my craziness, I never wanted to hurt you.

I have never been this scared before. When you told me you might not come back, my heart skipped a beat and tears just flowed out of my eyes. In my head, all I saw was just summer over and over again, I would not have you next to me. I would not get to wake up next to you every morning. All I could have done was to grabbed your hand. I did not want to let you go. I just want to be with you.

The moment you wrote on that board, I was happy. So happy. I felt blessed. I felt loved. I felt like I’m the luckiest guy ever. I never knew that me, out of all the people, would get to be with someone who is amazing as you.

Hey you. You are the girl of my life. M, you are the prettiest girl in my life. You make my life, better. Remember this too, anh yeu em and I will always be there for you no matter what. 

I really fucked it up, didn’t I. And then I acted like nothing ever happened. And tried to act cool about it. 

That’s literally what I do whenever I fucked something up. I’m just immature emotionally.  It’s just the one thing that I do and I hate myself for doing it… but it keeps happen. I know that it annoyed you, frustrated you so much but you still tolerate it. 

Forgive me and please, help me fix it. Because you are the only one who would be ridiculous with me, you are the only one who would hold a gold sword walking around the second most obese city in the U.S. You are the only person who would be like Kung without Fu when I’m not around. You are the one that I’m madly in love with. 

If you see this note, I just want to let you know; that whatever happens, I will always love you, my mad little asian nun. For now, sweet dreams baby.

-Yours
<3 P